Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's leading comedians used the broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils all he handles."

Colbert's target was the new initiative that allows foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" tier for $5 million. A government page guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought here to rich foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also meant to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best screening the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.