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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a extensive breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your choice to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {